Stalking at the Beach
by Agent Midnight
Summary: Relena POV-- Humor. Pet peeve fic I wrote about Relena's stalker qualities. I don't prefer reading fics with her like that, but... this is a parody of sorts.


He's standing no more than thirty-four feet away from my own location, his dark eyes locked on the rolling sea set out before us. The wind is licking through his bangs, making his hair fly around his face, strands reaching out to tickle his cheeks. Locks of brown wrapping themselves in his warmth, seeking safety from the cold, cold air blown from the waters below. Caressing his eyebrows as they seek to rearrange themselves back in their natural, messy homes around his face... to settle across his high cheekbones and nibble at his thin lips... edging around his eyes to brush across his nose so that he scrunches said nose up from the small swishing sensations over his sensitive tan skin...   
  
... anyway.  
  
His hands are lightly resting alongside his hips, his thumbs grazing the edge where skin meets tight spandex. Spandex so tight, they leave absolutely nothing to my frail, frail imagination. I mean. After all, I'm just a teenager, like he himself is. We're just teenagers in this sick world of war and death.  
  
... anyway.  
  
He's got a soft look of concentration on his face, like he knows I'm within walking range from him. Within walking range and not hiding behind an ice cream truck, looking through the windows to see him. I bet he's imagining me standing next to him, my hand wrapped in his as we watch the sun shine it's glorious lighting on the water's surface. I bet he'd point at the water, then turn his dark flaming eyes to meet my delicate blue ones, and part his lips... and whisper that which we both want to hear.  
  
"I want you. In the water."  
  
And I'll open my own lips, gazing into his eyes.  
  
"Take me. I'm yours."  
  
And his eyes will sparkle, and he'll take me in his arms....!  
  
... and music will be playing in the background as he swings me around and around until I feel dizzy and nauseous, so that I have to tell him to just hold me or else I'll throw up on his tanktop, and ruin the romantic mood. He'll look at me, and laugh... his eyes shining with love.  
  
Love for me.  
  
And I'll tell him that I want him to take me in the water.  
  
And he'll look at me through hooded eyes, his lips curving into a smile, his hair fighting against the wind to stab him constantly in his steady gaze until he has to blink to prevent loss of eyesight.  
  
I must make my move!  
  
I dance around the ice cream truck, opening my mouth to scream for him. To scream so he'll know I'm here and he can take me down to the waters and have his evil, evil way with my body in the shark-infested sea. So we can be swallowed in our love, and then get out and have sand plastered in places that sand should not go.  
  
His name spills from my lips, and I blink as no sound emerges.  
  
"---?"  
  
His name keeps spilling from my lips, falling into silence before even leaving my throat.  
  
What the-?  
  
I turn to glance at the ice cream truck and curse my wicked luck. I knew I should not have had that ice cream cone in fourteen degree weather. My shoes move the gravel as I turn and start sprinting towards my love. He doesn't even know I'm coming! He'll be so surprised.  
  
I come to a stop twelve feet away from him, his back facing me. I reach into my purse for my Heero Survival Kit, and start the prepping process.  
  
Mint slams into my taste buds as I spray breath freshener, following the spray with a peppermint... and a lifesaver... and a Cream Saver... and an Advil...  
  
I throw the Breath portion back into the kit, and grab my next utensil.  
  
I put toothpaste on the brush and start scrubbing my teeth, pulling out my compact to check more thorougly. I use some floss, and spit the extra onto the ground next to me. I run my tongue across my teeth, smiling at myself in the mirror and reaching back into the kit to get my makeup.   
  
I start with a soft shade of lipstick, double-checking to make sure I don't get any on my freshly clean teeth.   
  
Some blush.  
  
Eye liner.  
  
Eye shadow.  
  
Mascara.  
  
Hot pink fake nails.  
  
Clip-on earrings.  
  
Accompanied with tears...!  
  
Perfect.  
  
I rub my throat and try out the volume again, sneering when the sea makes a sound louder than me. I reach in the small compartment in my Heero Survival Kit and yank my emergency equipment out. Straightening back up into a standing position, I open my notepad and start scribbling.  
  
He hears the paper rustling, and spins around, his eyes widening when he sees me standing there with my purse belongings spread all across the grounds. One of his hands raises and he points at something off to the side, his cheeks losing color slowly. I turn and see my Japanese-Heero-look-alike blow up doll and snort. Those are the chances I was willing to take when opening the Emergency compartment. Those are only for absolute... that's right... emergencies.  
  
He's surprised, though!  
  
I finally finish my job and suck in a lungful of air.  
  
His beautiful eyes slowly turn into slits as his hands lift themselves up to cover his ears.  
  
Sweetheart! Doesn't want to listen to pure beauty!  
  
I fill my lungs to their full capacity, and we both tense up, him moreso than myself.  
  
I flip the notepad around.  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"  
  
His eyebrows lift up into his hairline as he allows his hands to fall back to his sides.  
  
I make sure he's read the page, then flip to the next one.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"  
  
And the next one.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-"  
  
He twitches.  
  
And the next one.  
  
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRO-"  
  
He starts blinking quicker than he has to, his eyes locked on my notepad as I flip the page again.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"  
  
"O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
I pull the cover back onto the notebook, and toss it down to join the rest of the emergency equipment. His startled look is priceless as he watches the book hit the ground with a soft "thump". He manages to lift his jaw off the floor and close it, but his eyes are wide and filled with some unchartered territory.  
  
To double check myself, I flip through the mental Heero-translation book. Nope. Nope. Unidentified.  
  
I smile sweetly as his eyes shift to meet mine. The wind now blows his hair to cast his face in a dark shadow, his eyes burning brightly into my soul. A group of doves fly behind his back, one of them pausing in the distance, spreading its wings and giving me the illusion that they're Heero's. My breath catches deep in my chilled throat as the dove flies off and leaves me yet again with regular, spectacular Heero.  
  
Music filters into our world. Happy, cheerful music as he steps foward towards me and my pile of Yuy-tacular objects of love and devotion towards my one and only.  
  
The music grows louder, a soft noise joining into its song of love.  
  
I hold my arms out to him, and he walks right passed me, reaching down and snatching my brand new pen that has his name in gold all across the surface. He kicks aside my "I heart Heero" poster, and the Heero doll that sings, "Holding Out for a Hero".  
  
He steps on my crystal Heero sculpture, and he leaves a dusty footprint on my "For Heero's Eye Only" journal.  
  
He cracks my "Eye of Heero" pendant, and stomps across my short brown wig.  
  
My compilation Heero CD is broken in the mess, and I'm sad to watch that one go. That had a lot of altered recordings of his voice so it sounded like he was talking to me. Shoot.  
  
Oh. There goes my "Vote Heero for Sexiest Man!" buttons.  
  
The stickers!  
  
No!  
  
He reaches his destination and shoves the pen through the blow up doll. Tears spring to my eyes as it deflates, the voice box going wild.  
  
"Hn. Hn. Hn. Hn. Omae wo--koooorrroossssssssssssssss-"  
  
That smarts.  
  
Heero storms passed me, heading up the embankment where I was hidden a couple a minutes earlier. I cast an apologetic gaze at my Heero Kit, then follow him. He runs right by the ice cream truck--  
  
--Hey! So that's the source of the music!  
  
... and disappears in a group of ladies. I stop quickly and pull my spare shoes out of my skirt, ditching my clicky dress shoes for my Nike tennis shoes. Then, I sprint across the street towards the women, and I'm forced to a stop. I look wildly through the patch of brunettes and fall to my knees.   
  
Damn it!  
  
Dammit!!  
  
I lost him again!!  
  
Why must he look so feminine? 


End file.
